UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
AT   LOS  ANGELES 


ROBERT  ERNEST  COWAN 


THE  WIZZYWAB 


OTHER  BOOKS  BY  TUB  SAME  AUTHOR: 


LEGENDS  OF  SOUTHERN  CALIFORNIA. 
LEGENDS  OF  SAN  FRANCISCO 
ORIENTAL  RAMBLES. 
RAINBOW  STORIES. 


By 

GEORGE  W.  CALDWELL,  M.  D. 


Published  by 

PHILLIPS  &  VAN  ORDEN  CO. 
SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 


v  COPYRIGHTED  1919 

By 
GEORGE  W.  CALDWELL,  M.  D. 


.'. 


"PZ. 

C  \£»  w 

INTRODUCTION. 

Did  you  ever  hear  of  the  Sapient  Seer 

By  the  name  of  the  Wise  Hokomu, 
Who   made  up  the   rules  for   the  Animal 
Schools, 

And  conjured  the  Kangaroo, 
Or  the  musical  Frog,  or  the  talkative  Dog, 

Or  Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea? 
For  if  you  have  not,  I  think  that  you  ought 

To  study  these  pages  with  me. 
In  jingles  I  tell  of  the  things  that  befell 

The  adventurous  boy,  Johnnie  Bob, 
Who  dreamed  one  night  of  a  wonderful  flight 

To  the  Land  of  the  Wizzywab. 


274422 


CONTENTS 

Chapter      I— The  Flight  to  the  Land  of 

the  Wizzywab 15 

Chapter  II— The  Office  of  the  Wizzywab  21 
Chapter  III— The  School  of  the  Hokomu  25 
Chapter  IV— Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland. .  47 
Chapter  V— Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  75 


CHAPTER  I 


The  Flight  to  the  Land  of  the 
Wizzywab 

"Bang!" 

The  gasoline  tank  had  exploded.  The  aero- 
plane folded  its  wings  and  dropped  toward  the 
earth.  Johnnie  Bob,  having  fallen  out  of  the 
seat,  traveled  slightly  in  advance,  revolving 
gracefully. 

He  was  not  especially  frightened,  but  natur- 
ally he  had  a  mild  curiosity  about  where  he 
would  land.  He  hoped  it  would  be  a  soft  spot, 
like  an  Ice  Cream  Lake,  or  a  Lemon  Pie 
Pond,  or  a  Custard  River.  Of  the  three  he 
decided  that  he  would  prefer  an  Ice  Cream 
Lake.  "I  wish,"  he  continued,  "I  had  kept 

US] 


16  The  Wizzywab 


the  Magic  Wings  the  Owl  gave  me  in  the 
Eainbow  Stories.  Wings  would  be  conve- 
nient in  an  emergency  like  this."  He  flapped 
his  arms  about  in  a  vain  effort  to  fly  and 
thereby  sadly  disarranged  the  bed  clothes. 

Before  proceeding  further  with  this  nar- 
rative it  may  be  well  to  explain  that,  alto- 
gether, it  had  been  a  strenuous  day  for 
Johnnie  Bob.  He  had  been  to  the  Menagerie, 
the  Aquarium,  and  the  Aviation  Grounds. 
After  watching  the  flying  machines  for  some 
time  he  decided  that  instead  of  being  a 
hunter,  or  a  fisherman,  he  would  be  an  Avi- 
ator when  he  grew  up. 

That  night,  directly  after  he  had  gone  to 
sleep,  the  Menagerie  animals  began  to  parade 
around  his  bed.  Kangaroos,  Zebras,  Ele- 
phants, Giraffes,  Camels,  and  Rhinoceroses 
went  around  and  around  and  around.  Fishes 
from  the  Aquarium  rubbed  their  noses 
against  the  outside  of  the  window  panes, 


The  Flight 


opening  and  closing  their  mouths  in  an  effort 
to  communicate  some  secret  of  the  deep  sea. 

The  scene  changed  abruptty,  as  it  often 
does  when  one  is  asleep,  and  Johnnie  Bob 
found  himself  transported  to  the  sky,  where 
he  was  piloting  a  flying  machine  in  and  out 
among  the  clouds.  He  soon  realized  why  keen 
eyesight  and  accurate  judgment  is  necessary 
for  an  Aviator.  After  having  collided  with  a 
cloud  that  was  so  thick  that  it  stalled  his  en- 
gine, he  learned  the  first  lesson  in  aviation, 
which  is,  'Fly  around  clouds  that  are  too  thick 
to  fly  through.'  However,  inexperience  being 
considered,  everything  was  going  well  until 
the  fog  got  wound  around  the  propeller,  which 
punctured  the  wheel  base,  which  short-cir- 
cuited the  differential,  which  exploded  the 
gasoline  tank,  as  indicated  in  the  prelim- 
inary "Bang!"  in  the  first  paragraph  of  this 
history. 

Now  he  was  falling  in  easy  stages,  to  be 


18  TheWizzywab 


sure,  from  cloud  to  cloud;  although  if  his 
Mother  had  looked  in  his  room  she  might 
have  noticed  only  a  healthy  but  restless  boy 
in  a  comfortable  bed  with  the  blankets  kicked 
off  and  a  sheet  twisted  around  his  neck. 

However,  as  has  been  reported  previously, 
Johnnie  Bob  was  falling  toward  the  earth, 
bouncing  lightly  from  cloud  to  cloud.  While 
it  cannot  be  said  that  he  was,  at  that  time, 
especially  interested  in  the  scenery,  he  did 
observe  that  a  forest  appeared  to  be  coming 
up  to  meet  him.  He  fell  upon  the  topmost 
branch  of  a  tree  which  swayed  beneath  his 
weight  and  balanced  him  off.  to  another 
branch,  then  to  another,  and  finally  he  was 
dropped  sprawling  on  the  head  of  a  Giraffe 
who  was  in  the  act  of  reaching  for  a  succu- 
lent twig.  The  astonishment  was  mutual.  The 
Giraffe  lowered  him  safely  to  the  ground. 

Johnnie  Bob  wiggled  his  toes  to  be  sure  he 
was  all  right,  then  sat  up  and  looked  around. 


The  Flight  19 


He  found  himself  in  the  midst  of  a  group 
of  wild  animals  who  were  regarding  him  curi- 
ously and  asking  each  other  in  whispers, 
"Who  is  the  new  pupil?" 

"Where  am  I?"  asked  Johnnie  Bob. 

"In  The  Land  of  the  Wizzywab,"  the  Gi- 
raffe replied,  rubbing  his  head  sorrowfully 
with  a  front  foot,  "and  I  must  say  you  have 
an  odd  way  of  coming  to  school." 

"Excuse  me  for  dropping  in  so  suddenly. 
I  hope  I  didn't  hurt  you,  and  I  thank  you 
very  kindly  for  the  use  of  your  neck.  Is 
there  a  flying  school  around  here?" 

"Oh,  yes.  The  Hokomu  teaches  plain  and 
fancy  flying,"  the  Giraffe  explained,  "but 
first  you  must  interview  the  Wizzywab.  His 
office  hours  are  from  forty-five  minutes  after 
eight  to  a  quarter  before  nine,  and  he  is 
usually  not  in."  Taking  Johnnie  Bob  on  his 
neck  the  accommodating  Giraffe  cantered  off. 


The  Wizzywab   said:  "Please  walk  this  way. 


CHAPTER  II 


The  Office  of  the  Wizzywab 


The  Wizzywab  was  found  at  a  desk  entirely 
surrounded  by  feathers  which  he  had  plucked 
from  unhappy  students.  He  was  busily  en- 
gaged in  marking  large  zeros  on  examination 
papers  and  entering  black  marks  in  the  Book 
of  Fate.  The  ticking  of  clockwork  could  be 
heard  distinctly  as  he  turned  his  head  to  fix 
his  cold  and  penetrating  eyes  upon  the  in- 
truder. 

" Please  Sir,"  Johnnie  Bob  stammered, 
"  Please  Sir,  I  would  like  to  go  to  school 
and  get  a  diploma." 

[21] 


22  TheWizzywab 


"Professional  or  useful?"  the  Wizzywab 
inquired,  briskly  measuring  off  several  yards 
of  red  tape. 

"  Aviation." 

The  Wizzywab  sandpapered  his  bald  head 
thoughtfully. 

"You  first  must  learn  a  lot  of  things," 

He  said,  "and  not  forget  them, 
About  our  Yells  and  Frats  and  Belles 

And  Queens  and  how  to  get  them. 
I'll  take  you  to  the  Hokomu, 

Explaining  your  desires; 
He  keeps  the  school  for  Animals 

And  amateurish  Flyers. 
Present  this  card  when  you  apply, 

And  say  these  words  politely, 
'Good  morning,  Teacher,  Here  am  I,' 

And  bend  your  body  slightly. 
These  most  important  rules  obey; 
Now,  Johnnie  Bob,  please  walk  this  way." 


The  Office  of  the  Wizzywab  23 


The  Wizzywab  started  off,  taking  three 
steps  to  one  side,  then  three  steps  to  the 
other,  Johnnie  Bob  walking  that  way  as  in- 
structed. All  the  time  the  Wizzywab 's  third 
eye,  placed  in  the  middle  of  the  bald  spot  on 
the  back  of  his  head,  was  peering  around  to 
see  what  the  pupils  were  doing.  Nothing  es-- 
caped  him.  He  was  a  good  teacher. 


The  Ho-ko-mu  sat  in  his  cave 
Teaching  school  with  manner  grave. 


CHAPTER  III 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu 


The  Hokomu  was  found  in  a  cave  where 
he  kept  school  for  the  animals  and  birds.  He 
taught  them  how  to  build  houses,  dens  and 
nests,  and  how  to  swim,  fly  and  sing.  He 
gave  Johnnie  Bob  the  usual  smile  and  waved 
him  to  a  seat  beside  a  white  hen  who  was 
constantly  interrupting  to  ask  silly  questions. 
She  seemed  never  to  tire  of  scratching  on  the 
ground  and  saying,  in  a  low  voice,  over  and 
over  again,  "Wh-a-at,  wha-a-at,  what,  what, 
what,  what,  wha— a-at,  wha-a-at,  what,  what? 

A  Skye  Terrier  sat  on  a  bench  across  the 
aisle.  Apparently  he  was  not  pleased  with 
the  new  pupil,  for  his  beady  black  eyes  glared 

[25] 


26  TheWizzywab 


through  his  bangs  at  Johnnie  Bob,  while  he 
barked : 

"I  am  tough,  I  am  gruff, 
And  I  like  my  food  rough, 

Especially  hominy  grits. 
I  bark  all  I  dare, 
And  sometimes  I  can  scare 

A  stranger  half  out  of  his  wits. 

But  I  wouldn't  bite, 

For  I  know  it's  not  right 

To  nibble  the  legs  of  a  Man; 
But  I  think  it  no  harm 
To  raise  an  alarm 

And  frighten  him  off  if  I  can." 

The  Hokomu  reprimanded  the  Dog  by 
beating  him  very  kindly.  Johnnie  Bob  asked 
many  questions  about  the  animals.  He  wanted 
to  know  how  they  happened  to  grow  that 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  27 


way;  when,  where  and  why.     The  Hokomu, 
being  a  kind  teacher,  explained: 

"When  evolution  evolutes 

It  gives  the  habits  to  the  brutes 

That  render  them  the  most  content, 

According  to  environment; 

And  when  a  habit  grows  and  grows, 

In  course  of  time  it  plainly  shows 

A  change  upon  the  form  or  face 

That  makes  another  breed  or  race. 

Regard  the  answers  that  we  bring 
Through  subtle  ways  of  reasoning, 
For  when  wre  pause  to  reason  out 
The  way  that  such  things  come  about 
A  Scientist  like  me  can  tell 
The  nature  of  an  an-i-mel. 
Allow  me  to  e-lu-ci-date 
The  reasons  for  their  present  state." 


28  The  Wizzywab 


The  Hokomu  began  making  drawings  on 
the  blackboard  with  colored  crayons,  then  he 
continued : 

"The  Giraffe's  neck  grew  over-long, 

We  Scientists  agree, 
Because  he  stretched  it  up  to  reach 
The  leaves  upon  the  tree. 

The  Elephant's  nose  grew  long  because 

Of  stealthy  exercise 
In  hunting  through  the  pantry  shelves 

For  cookies,  jams,  and  pies. 

The  Camel  has  a  sneering  lip 

And  egotistic  bump; 
He  shrugged  his  shoulders  up  with  pride 

Until  he  made  a  hump. 

The  Zebra  will  not  work  at  all, 
And  so  black  marks  were  sent 

For  him  to  wear  upon  his  sides 
By  way  of  punishment. 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  29 


A  Lamb  played  hookey  from  the  school 

And  lost  his  woolly  coat 
While  gamboling  on  the  green,  and  so 

He  thus  became  the  Goat. 

The  Hen  is  wise  to  advertise 

With  optimistic  clucks 
To  make  her  eggs  more  popular 

Than  those  produced  by  Ducks. 

Observe  the  Pig.    He  never  works 

And  so  grows  over-fat, 
And  loses  all  his  graceful  lines, 

But  he  don't  care  for  that. 

He  doesn't  mix  in  politics 

Nor  seek  society, 
But  sleeps  all  day  upon  the  hay 

And  grunts  philosophy." 

The  Hokomu  erased  the  drawings. 


30  The  Wizzywab 


"Another  question  I  ask  of  you," 
Said  Johnnie  Bob  to  the  Hokomu, 
"  Concerning  the  habits  of  the  Hen, 
And  the  language  used  in  the  chicken 
pen." 

" Proceed,"  the  Hokomu  encouraged. 

"The  Hen,  the  Hen,  the  curious  Hen, 
Why  does  she  question  so  contantly  when 
Out  in  the  garden  patch  taking  the  air, 
Hunting  the  breakfast  that  she  can  find 

there 

To  suit  her  fastidious  hen  bill-of-f are  ? 
She   says,   'What,  wha-at,  what  what?' 

just  so— 
What  is  it  that  she  wishes  to  know?" 

"My  child,  my  Child,  inquisitive  Child, 
That  is  her  hunting  song  which  has  be- 
guiled 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  31 


Many  early  worms  to  a  foul  tragedy, 
And  she  sings  it  low,  in  a  minor  key, 
Harmonious  poultry  poetry. 
When  she  sings  'What,  what,'  she  wants 

to  know, 
By  scratching,  what  she  can  find  below. " 

"The  Hen,  the  Hen,  industrious  Hen 
Sings  another  song  in  the  chicken  pen, 
A  cackling  song,   full  of  laughter   and 

grace, 
A  suitable   song  for  the   time   and  the 

place, 
And  wears,  while  she  sings  it,  a  smile  on 

her  face. 

'  Cutcut,  cut-ut ! '  It  goes  that  way ; 
What  is  it  that  she  is  trying  to  say?" 

"My  boy,  my  Boy,  adorable  Boy, 
That  is  a  jubilant  jumble  of  joy 
That   she    sings   when   an   egg   she   has 
graciously  laid; 


32  The  Wizzywab 


Skillfully,  artfully,  recently  made, 
Guaranteed    fresh    and     strictly    high- 
grade. 

'Cutcut,  cut-ut!'  from  the  chicken  pen 
Is  the  glorious  lay  of  the  laying  Hen." 

The  Hokomu  then  called  the  school  to  order 
with  three  sharp  raps  with  his  ruler.  He  said 
that  recitations  would  proceed  according  to 
procedure.  Kittie  Cat  then  went  to  the  plat- 
form, walking  gracefully  and  mewed: 

"Nettie,  the  noodle  knitter,  knitting  with 

care, 
Knit  a  nice  noodle  necktie  for  Neddie  to 

wear; 
Not    knowing    the    purpose,    but    being 

polite, 
He  ate  up  the  necktie  for  supper  that 

night." 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  33 


"Master  Jack  Eabbit  will  now  recite  his 
lesson,"  said  the  Hokomu. 


Jack  hopped  to  the  platform  and  recited 
rapidly,  but  with  a  slight  lisp,  on  account  of 
his  hare-lip :  . 

"Theo,  the  thread  thrower,  threw  a  thick 

thread 
Through  the  eye  of  a  needle  as  he  stood 

on  his  head; 
While  Theda,  the  thorn  thruster,  merely 

for  fun, 
Thrust     thirty     thick     thorns     through 

Theo's  thick  thumb." 


34  The  Wizzywab 


The  pupils  applauded  violently  with  their 
thumb  nails. 

"If  Tom  Turtle  is  awake,  which  I  doubt," 
said  the  Hokomu,  "he  may  recite  i The  Battle 
of  the  Bacilli.'  " 

Tom  thrust  his  head  slowly  out  from  under 
his  shell,  lumbered  up  on  the  platform,  and 
began  to  recite  very  deliberately  and  dis- 
tinctly : 

"Man  is  a  ver-te-brate,  and  wears  a  thick 
skin 

To  carry  his  muscles  and  skeleton  in. 
The  nerves  carry  messages  out  from  the 

brain, 
And  bring  in  the  news  that  he  suffers  a 

pain. 
His  heart  keeps  the  blood-current  moving 

along 
To  carry  strange  substances  where  they 

belong 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  35 


To  build  up  the  body  and  keep  in  repair 
All  his  machinery,  even  his  hair. 
The  food  that  he  eats,  we  may  safely  rely, 
By  digestive  process  is  made  to  supply 
The  nourishment  needed  to  make  children 

grow; 
But  why  it  should  do  so,  I  really  don't 

know. 

But  Man  has  his  foes,  and  I  safely  can 

call 
The  bad   Strep-to-coc-cus  the  worst   of 

them  all. 
They  get  in  his  system  and  start  up  a 

fight, 

And  multiply  millions  or  more  in  a  night ; 
And  that  causes  fever  and  swelling  and 

pain; 

And  then  they  begin  it  all  over  again. 
Then  comes  the  Leu-co-cytes,  loyal  and 

true, 

To  fight  the  invaders  as  soldiers  would  do. 
Germs  by  the  millions  advance  to  attack, 


36  The  Wizzywab 


Charging  the  Leu-co-cytes,  driving  them 

back, 

Throwing  out  toxins  in  poisoning  plot ;  „ 
But  Leu-co-cytes  fight,  hand  to  hand,  with 

the  lot, 

With  good  anti-toxins  to  stop  the  disease, 
Which  shows  that  the  Leu-co-cytes  try 

hard  to  please." 

"All  of  which  is  partly  true  and  entirely 
incomprehensible,"  the  Hokomu  remarked 
pensively.  Then  he  suddenly  demanded, 
"Who,  Oh,  who  was  Christopher  Columbus? 
Pansy  O 'Possum  tell  me  that." 

Pansy  shuffled  to  the  platform,  made  a 
very  pretty  bow,  turned  in  her  toes,  and  re- 
cited in  a  monotonous  voice  with  appropriate 
gestures : 

Columbus  was  a  sailor  man 

Who  sailed  the  raging  sea 
About  five  hundred  years  ago 

We  read  in  history. 


37 


He  studied  his  geography, 

And  theorized  with  eggs, 
While  making  them  stand  on  their  ends 

As  though  the  things  had  legs. 

He  said  he  thought  the  world  was  round, 

While  others  thought  it  flat; 
He  didn't  say  what  made  it  so, 

For  Newton  would  do  that. 

He  argued  that  by  sailing  west, 

Toward  the  Spanish  Main, 
He'd  reach  the  East,  and  so  they  said, 

"The  man  must  be  insane." 

He  had  no  money  to  defray 

The  necessary  cost; 
The  Bankers  sadly  tapped  their  heads 

And  kept  their  fingers  crossed. 

Queen  Isabella  said  to  him, 
"I  will  finance  the  trip; 

274422 


38  The  Wizzywab 


As  you  need  ships  and  partners,  too, 
We'll  make  a  partner-ship." 

Three  dinkey  ships  were  furnished  and 

They  sailed  away,  but  when 
The  chili-beans  were  running  low 

They  started  home  again. 

Then  up  rose  Christopher  in  wrath, 

And  pointing  to  the  west, 
Spoke  these  historic  words  as  he 

Was  pulling  down  his  vest : 

"Sail  on,  sail  on,  my  hungry  men, 

And  likewise  good  and  true! 
We  must  discover  America 

In  fourteen  ninety-two." 

"Hurrah!    Hurrah!    the  crew  replied, 

Or  words  to  that  effect; 
And  then  they  turned  the  ships  toward 

America  direct. 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  39 


Due  west  they  sailed  for  many  days, 
And  saw  no  sights  but  sea ; 

The  sailors  sulked  about  the  decks, 
And  hissed  of  mutiny. 

At  last  they  saw  the  lights  ahead— 

"America!"  they  cried, 
As  sweet  aromas  came  to  them 

Of  onions  being  fried. 

And  so  we  honor  Christopher- 
It  ever  will  be  thus, 

For  where  would  we  have  been  if  he 
Had  not  discovered  us?" 


40  The  Wizzy  wab 


When  the  applause  had  subsided  the  Ho- 
komu  said:  "Will  someone  tell  us  how  the 
Kangaroo  occurred?" 

Billy  Goat  bounded  to  the  platform  and, 
after  bowing  rapidly  several  times,  bleated 
the  following  story: 

"The  Hokomu  sat  in  his  cave 
Teaching  school  with  manner  grave. 
His  pupils  were  the  beasts  and  birds, 
And  animals  that  roam  in  herds 
Through  grassy  vales  and  woodland  park, 
And  those  who  hunt  them  after  dark. 

When  all  attempted  to  recite 
The  lessons  for  the  day  and  night, 
The  cave  resounded  with  the  ring 
Of  bleats  and  barks  and  chattering. 

The  Hokomu  was  very  sad, 

For  some  were  good,  but  many  bad ; 

Some  knew  their  lessons,  some  did  not, 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  41 


And  many  were  the  battles  fought 
By  Cats  and  Dogs,  and  in  the  cave 
Were  others  who  would  not  behave. 
Because  of  jokes  that  some  had  played, 
And  for  the  mischief  others  made, 
Some  were  whipped,  and  others  sent 
To  sit  alone  for  punishment. 

The  patience  of  the  Hokomu 
At  last  gave  out,  as  it  will  do 
For  anyone  who  keeps,  my  child, 
A  school  for  animals  so  wild. 

And  then  the  Hokomu  arose 

With  spectacles  upon  his  nose, 

And  said,  'You've  broken  every  rule 

That  governs  in  this  beastly  school. 

I  hoped  you  would  at  last  repent 

And  so  avoid  the  punishment, 

For  if  you  had,  I  would  forgive 

The  tricks  you've  played,  and  gladly  give 


42  The  Wizzy  wab 


Another  chance,  at  any  rate, 
To  finish  school  and  graduate. 
But  now  it  is  too  late ;  I  fear 
The  punishment  must  be  severe, 
As  merited  by  your  neglect 
To  show  your  Teacher  such  respect 
As  Teachers  everywhere  agree 
Is  suited  to  their  dignity. 

Before  I  tell  you  of  your  fate, 

I  think  I  should  enumerate 

The  names  of  culprits,  one  by  one, 

And  state  the  mischief  they  have  done. 

The  Babbit  and  the  Fox  agree 
On  methods  of  tormenting  me. 
The  Deer,  relying  on  her  grace, 
Neglects  her  work  before  my  face. 
The  Donkey,  with  his  playful  ways, 
When  I'm  asleep,  comes  in  and  brays. 
The  Crocodile,  when  no  one  cheers, 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  43 


Crawls  in  my  bed  and  sheds  his  tears ; 

And  when  I  sit  beneath  a  tree, 

The  noisy  Squirrel  throws  nuts  at  me. 

IVe  warned  you  to  amend  your  ways; 
I've  scolded  you  for  days  and  days; 
IVe  punished  all  the  rules  permit, 
But  no  one  seems  to  care  a  bit. 

I  see  that  each  of  you  possess 

Some  feature  that  in  homeliness 

Exceeds  all  others  in  the  school, 

And  holds  you  up  to  ridicule ; 

So,  I  shall  take  from  each  the  part 

That  is  ridiculous,  and  start 

Another  animal,  quite  new, 

That  all  the  world  may  laugh  at  you. 

Come  to  the  desk  and  stand  in  line, 
And  listen  close  or  I'll  resign. 
Do  as  I  say  and  watch  me  well, 
For  now  I  work  my  magic  spell. 


44  The  Wizzy  wab 


Hocusy,  pocusy,  chicory,  chaff ; 

Hickory,  pickery,  dickery,  daff; 

Stand  on  the  right  foot  and  hold  the  left 

high; 
Smile  on  the  right  side  and  wink  the  left 

eye; 

Turn  out  the  elbows  and  turn  up  the  toes ; 
Crow  like  a  rooster  and  wiggle  the  nose ; 
Oysters  are  happier,  everyone  knows, 
When  served  on  a  platter  in  half  of  their 

clothes. 

Hocusy,  pocusy,  chicory,  chaff; 
But  the  magic  won't  work  if  you  laugh. 

Hocusy,  pocusy,  out  of  the  air 
Come,  I  command  you,  a  form  like  a  pear ; 
For  you  the  legs  of  a  Rabbit  I  grow; 
On  you  the  arms  of  the  Squirrel  I  bestow ; 
The  head  of  the  Deer  I  will  place  at  the 

top, 
But  on  it  the  ears  of  the  Donkey  will  flop. 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu 


45 


A  pocket  I  give  you,  and  please  do  not 

mind 

When  I  pin  the  Crocodile's  tail  on  behind. 
Hocussy,  pocussy,  chicory,  chaff; 
But  the  magic  won't  work  if  you  laugh. 

'And  now  I  have  made/  said  the  wise 

Hokomu, 

'A  hippity-hoppity  Kangaroo.' 
And  he  introduced,  according  to  rule, 
The  Kangaroo  to  the  animal  school." 


"Mce  view, "  said  the  Frog.   "Stranger  in  these  parts?" 


CHAPTER  IV 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland 


The  School  of  the  Hokomu  having  been 
dismissed  for  the  day,  Johnnie  Bob  wandered 
into  the  forest.  He  reached  the  edge  of  a 
marsh  and  sat  down  on  a  moss-covered  log 
to  rest.  He  was  thinking  where  he  would  go, 
next  in  search  of  a  Flying  School  when  a 
Frog  hopped  upon  the  log  and  sat  down  be- 
side him. 

"Nice  view,"  the  Frog  croaked,  rolling  his 
eyes,  "Stranger  in  these  parts?" 

"Well,  yes,"  Johnnie  Bob  admitted.  "I 
am  looking  for  a  Flying  School.  I  want  to 
be  an  Aviator." 

[47] 


48  The  Wizzy  wab 


"Ever  try  singing?"  the  Frog  inquired,  be- 
coming interested  and  moving  nearer.  "I 
think  it  is  safer."  He  cleared  his  throat  and 
ran  the  scales,  "Do-re-me-fa-so-la-ce-da-a-a." 

Somewhere  in  the  distance  Frogs  were 
singing  in  deep  basso,  "I  want  to  fly.  I  want 
to  fly."  Then  came  in  shrill  falsetto— "Wish 
I  could.  Wish  I  could." 

"That  is  our  Opera  Company  rehearsing," 
the  Frog  explained. 

"It  is  wonderful  to  be  able  to  sing  like 
that,"  Johnnie  Bob  encouraged. 

"Yes,  it  is,"  the  Frog  admitted  modestly. 
"I  sing  soprano,  but  sometimes  my  voice 
breaks  to  bass." 

"Wouldn't  it  be  terrible  if  it  broke  to 
pieces !  Johnnie  Bob  exclaimed ;  but  the  Frog 
ignored  the  interruption  and  continued, 
"This  is  one  of  my  favorite  songs,"  and 
began  to  sing: 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  49 


"  There   was   a   Frog   whose   name   was 

Fred; 

He  wore  a  cap  upon  his  head, 
A  sporty  coat  of  emerald  green, 
And  a  smile  as  wide  as  a  soup  tureen. 

He  had  two  feet  with  wiggly  toes,. 
Two  dimpled  cheeks  and  turned  up  nose, 
Two  rougish  eyes,  so  big  and  round, 
And  folding  legs  to  reach  the  ground. 

His  feet  were  long  and  very  thin ; 
He  had  no  shoes  to  keep  them  in; 
But  here  it  might  be  mentioned  that 
The  rest  of  him  was  rather  fat. 

And  consequently  it  was  said 
That  troubles  seemed  to  follow  Fred 
About  wherever  he  would  go, 
Like  little  puppies  in  a  row. 


50  The  Wizzy  wab 


The  strange  adventures  he  went  through — 
They  would  be  strange  if  they  were  true — 
I  will  relate  if  you  have  time 
To  listen  to  my  jingling  rhyme." 

"Well,  I  have  lots  of  time,"  said  Johnnie 
Bob,  "and  I  like  jingles;  but  I  don't  care 
for  poetry  that  is  so  good  that  I  can't  under- 
stand it." 

The  Frog  opened  his  portfolio  and  brought 
out  some  sheets  of  music.  After  arranging 
them  on  a  tree  branch,  he  began  to  sing: 

"A  Frog  lived  in  a  garden 

With  roses  overgrown, 
But  he  was  not  contented 

To  stay  there  all  alone. 

He  craved  to  seek  adventure, 

And  so  one  summer  day 
He  took  his  green  umbrella 

And  gayly  hopped  away. 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  51 


But  as  he  rambled  onward 
With  romance  in  his  mind, 

He  failed  to  hear  a  Pussy 
Steal  softly  up  behind. 

Her  eyes  were  all  a-glitter, 
Upstanding  was  her  fur; 

The  Pussy  Cat  was  hunting, 
And  Frogs  looked  good  to  her. 

A  friendly  Crab  was  passing, 
And  turned,  with  horror  pale, 

To  seize  with  both  his  pincers 
The  end  of  Pussy's  tail. 

Then  up  the  road  dashed  Pussy 
In  such  a  sorry  plight 

She  failed  to  see  the  river 
And  modify  her  flight. 

She  fell  into  the  water, 
Much  to  her  surprise, 


52  The  Wizzy  wab 


And  Froggie  hurried  homeward 
Because  he  thought  it  wise. 


"I  feel  sorry  for  the  Cat,"  said  Johnnie 
Bob.  "I  like  Cats." 

"Well,  I  don't,"  the  Frog  declared  em- 
phatically. "They  can't  be  trusted.  I  wish 
we  had  an  orchestra.  I  sing  better  with  an 
orchestra.  Here  is  a  pretty  little  thing  en- 
titled, 'The  Serenade.' 


a 


The  Frog  put  on  his  best  green  suit 
One  fragrant  summer  night, 
And  wandered  in  the  garden  fair 
Beneath  the  pale  moonlight. 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  53 


He  hopped  beneath  a  pumpkin  tree, 

Love's  secret  to  impart — 
It  was  the  home  of  Lady  Bug, 

The  idol  of  his  heart. 

Upon  his  lips  he  pressed  his  horn, 

A  serenade  to  play, 
But  only  groans  of  anguish  came— 

Alas  and  lack-a-day! 

He  puffed  and  blew  with  all  his  might, 
His  cheeks  got  big  and  round ; 

But  music  he  blew  in  so  sweet 
Came  out  a  sour  sound. 

The  Fiddling  Crab  laughed  loud  and  long, 

And  whanged  his  violin. 
The  Lady  Bug  came  out  to  look, 

And  called  her  kitten  in. 

A  harder  puff,  and  from  the  horn 
A  voice  was  heard  to  say, 


54  The  Wizzy  wab 


'Please,  Mister  Frog,  don't  blow  so  hard; 
You've  blown  my  house  away.' 

A  Snail  then  crawled  from  out  the  horn 
With  slow  and  measured  pace, 

'Why  can't  you  let  a  fellow  sleep? 
You  keep  a  noisy  place!' 

The  Frog  then  trilled  a  soulful  lay 

In  tones  so  sweet  and  clear, 
That  from  her  casement  Lady  Bug 

Extended  her  left  ear. 

'Oh,  play  again,'  the  Lady  sighed, 
'Your  music  moves  to  tears.' 

She  coyly  rolled  her  eyes  about, 
And  wiggled  both  her  ears. 

But  Froggie's  tender  heart  was  hurt; 

He  would  no  longer  play, 
But  croaked  a  guttural  'Good  night,' 

And  sadly  hopped  away." 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  55 

"That  is  a  sad  song,"  said  Johnnie  Bob. 
1  'What  did  Freddy  Frog  do  then?" 

"I  will  tell  you  in  this  song,"  the  Frog  re- 
plied, arranging  his  music  book.  Then  he 
began  to  sing: 


. . 


One  day  the  Frog  hopped  out  of  his  bog, 
And  bought  a  car  with  care; 
In  his  new  green  suit,  with  a  horn  to  toot, 
He  felt  like  a  millionaire. 

He  drove  along  with  a  merry  song, 

And  many  a  noisy  chug, 
Till  he  came,  you  know,  to  the  bungalow 

Of  his  friend,  Miss  Lady  Bug. 

He  said,  'Miss  Bug,  come  under  the  rug 

In  my  nice  new  motor  car; 
We'll  go  for  a  spin,  and  we  won't  come  in 

Till  we  see  the  morning  star.' 


56  The  Wizzy  wab 


The  road  was  fine,  and  straight  as  a  line, 

And  the  country  fair  to  see. 
They  drove  right  fast  till  they  came  at  last 

To  the  home  of  the  Bumble  Bee. 

Then  he  tried  to  speed  his  iron  steed, 

A  safer  place  to  find ; 
For  near  that  door  he  was  stung  before— 

And  he  wouldn't  be  stung  behind. 

With  gloating  glee  the  Bumble  Bee 

Proceeded  to  alight 
On  Froggie's  back,  alas,  alack! 

And  stung  with  all  his  might. 

'Oh,  Bumble  Bee,  why  pick  on  me? 

You've  done  a  dreadful  thing!' 
The  Bee  just  smiled,  with  manner  mild, 

And  stung  him  another  sting. 

With  a  burning  skin,  the  Frog  jumped  in, 
And  opened  the  throttle  wide, 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  57 


And  never  stopped  till  the  auto  dropped 
In  the  river's  cooling  tide. 

Miss  Bug  turned  white  in  her  terrible 
fright 

As  she  clung  to  the  car  in  fear, 
And  the  things  she  said  as  on  they  sped 

Will  be  omitted  here. 

But  having  said  those  words  she  spread 
Her  wings  in  homeward  flight, 

And  now  she  walks  on  the  daisy  stalks 
With  the  Grasshopper  at  night. 


58  TheWizzywab 


"It  seems  to  me  that  the  songs  are  getting 
sadder,"  said  Johnnie  Bob. 

"This  one  is  pathetic,"  the  Prog  replied. 
"I  will  sing  it  with  a  tremolo." 

"The  Frog  one  day  went  far  away, 

Adventure  rashly  seeking. 
He  left  his  silver  horn,  they  say, 
Because  he  did  not  like  the  way 

The  instrument  was  squeaking. 

But  it  is  said,  the  quadruped 

Had  hoisted  for  protection, 
A  green  umbrella  trimmed  with  red, 
To  keep  the  sunshine  off  his  head, 

And  match  his  green  complexion. 

But  he  felt  blue,  and  angry,  too, 

Because  he  was  in  trouble. 
He  croaked  and  croaked  as  Froggies  do, 
And  always  will,  though  it  is  true 

It  makes  their  troubles  double. 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  59 


His  new  machine,  when  last  was  seen, 

Was  sinking  in  the  river ; 
And  Lady  Bug,  that  Peerless  Queen, 
Had  flown  away  to  meadows  green 

And  left  him  in  his  'fliver.' 

He  hopped  the  street  with  heavy  feet, 

Caring  not  a  copper; 
And  on  the  corner  chanced  to  meet, 
And  paused,  most  formally,  to  greet 

The  handsome  young  Grasshopper. 

The  Hop  was  dressed  quite  in  his  best, 

And  manicured  neatly. 
His  Tailor,  it  must  be  confessed, 
Had  kept  him  nicely  sponged  and  pressed, 

And  he  was  scented  sweetly. 

The  Hopper  said,  'Good  morning,  Fred,' 

As  they  hopped  along  together. 
'Why  do  you  leave  your  mossy  bed, 


60  TheWizzywab 


With  a  green  umbrella  trimmed  with  red, 
In  this  hot  summer  weather?' 

The  Frog  replied,  as  he  wept  and  sighed, 

With  many  a  sob  and  shiver, 
*I  gave  Miss  Lady  Bug  a  ride, 
And  asked  her,  flat,  to  be  my  bride, 
But  she  left  me  in  the  river. 

I  love  her  more  than  ever  before 
A  Bug  was  loved  by  a  Froggie. 

I  could  not  tell  how  I  adore, 

Although  I  tried  till  my  throat  was  sore, 
And  wept  till  my  face  was  soggy. 

Oh,  woe  is  me !    How  can  she  be 

So  fundamentally  fickle, 
Or  turn  a  deaf  ear  to  my  plea 
When  everyone  can  plainly  see 

It  puts  me  in  a  pickle? 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  61 


I  took  her  out  in  my  runabout, 
And  told  of  my  love  undying. 
She  laughed  at  me,  and  said,  'No  doubt 
As  a  suitor  you  are  far  too  stout 
For  a  Bug  who  likes  high  flying.' 

She  spoke  of  you,  with  favor,  too ; 

Excuse  me  if  I  mention 
The  things  that  I  intend  to  do 
If  I  should  ever  find  that  you 

Have  paid  her  your  attention.' 

The  Hopper  rose  upon  his  toes, 

His  jealous  anger  flaming, 
And  for  a  moment  held  the  pose, 
Then  hurled  these  brave  words  through 
his  nose 

Defiantly  proclaiming: 

'Before  I  go  I'll  have  you  know 
My  manners  are  most  courtly; 


62  TheWizzywab 


But  for  a  Frog  Lothario, 
With  legs  that  bow  into  an  O, 
You  are  a  trifle  portly.' 

From    Froggie's    throat    there    came    a 
croak, 

His  eyes  popped  out  with  passion; 
His  green  umbrella  nearly  broke, 
When  with  a  mighty  downward  stroke 

He  missed  the  plate  of  fashion. 

The  Hopper  hopped  away,  then  stopped, 

But  courage  growing  bolder, 
He  turned  about  and  lightly  popped 
Into  the  air  and  boldly  dropped 
On  Froggie's  heaving  shoulder. 

Now  Hopper's  legs  are  full  of  pegs, 

And  very  rough  with  prickles, 
Which  titillated  the  integ- 
Ument  of  Froggie  till  he  begs, 
Because  the  Hopper  tickles. 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  63 


'Ha,  ha!    Ho,  ho!    Don't  tickle  so, 

For  it  is  too  exciting; 
If  you  will  only  let  me  go 
I  '11  hurry  to  my  bungalow 

And  stop  this  foolish  fighting. 

Oh,  woe  is  me!    I'm  doomed  to  be 
A  Bach  with  trouble  flooded. 

It  serves  me  right,  I  must  agree, 

For  entertaining  jealousy 
When  naturally  cold  blooded. ' 

So  to  his  bog  hopped  Freddy  Frog 

Feeling  melancholy, 
And  wrote  this  motto  on  his  log : 
'For  a  Boy  or  for  a  Frog, 

Fighting  is  but  folly.' 

And  if  in  case  you  pass  the  place 

Where  Froggie  sits  tomorrow, 
Observe  the  sadness  of  his  face, 


64  The  Wizzy  wab 


That  even  laughter  can't  erase, 
And  hear  his  croak  of  sorrow. 


"Have  you  any  songs  about  flying1?"  John- 
nie Bob  inquired.  "I  want  to  be  an  Aviator." 

The  Frog  searched  through  his  portfolio. 
"Yes,  here  is  one.  It  is  a  pretty  little  thing 
about  a  Frog  who  went  up  in  a  flying  ma- 
chine. I  think  he  was  lucky  to  come  down, 
don't  you?  I  wish  we  had  an  orchestra.  I 
sing  better  with  an  orchestra."  He  ran  the 
scales  again,  then  began  to  sing: 

"Froggie  went  to  see  the  Fair; 
Such  a  lot  of  Frogs  were  there, 
Papa  Frogs  and  Mammas,  too, 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  65 


And  little  ones  that  wiggled  through; 
All  impatient,  could  not  wait, 
So  they  crowded  at  the  gate. 

Froggie  listened  to  the  band ; 
Wandered  past  the  buildings  grand ; 
Saw  the  sparkling  fountains  play, 
Stopped  to  catch  the  cooling  spray; 
Saw  the  statues,  fair  and  tall, 
And  the  frescoes  on  the  wall; 
Fed  the  Doves  that  fluttered  near, 
Cooing  softly,  free  from  fear; 
Rested  in  a  stately  court 
Where  the  Frogs  for  lunch  resort, 
And  the  flowers,  sweet  and  rare, 
Float  their  fragrance  on  the  air. 

Thus  the  golden  hours  passed 
Swiftly  by.    He  came  at  last 
To  the  Court  of  Seasons  where 
Round  about  a  garden  fair, 


66  The  Wizzy  wab 


Back  of  noble  colonades, 
Grouped  the  statues  and  cascades, 
Born  of  Art  and  Mystic  Lore, 
Representing  seasons,  four — 
Summer,  Autumn,  Winter,  Spring; 
Where  the  draping  mosses  cling 
To  the  top  of  circling  walls, 
Over  which  the  sunlight  falls 
Into  fountains  dancing  free, 
Singing  Nature's  melody. 
Then  he  spied  a  Palace  door 
To  the  Exposition  floor. 
Down  the  wonder-bordered  aisles 
Froggie  hopped  for  many  miles, 
Looking  right  and  looking  left, 
Till  of  reason  most  bereft. 

In  a  place  called  Varied  Arts 
Froggie  ate  a  dozen  tarts, 
Shreaded  wheat  and  peaches  ripe, 
Pickles  and  some  Spanish  tripe, 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  67 


Peanuts  and  some  fruited  tar- 
Strange  how  good  such  dainties  are— 
But  when  he  ate  the  foodless  cake 
Froggie  got  the  stomach  ache. 

There  were  so  many  things  to  see 
That  Froggie  wandered  aimlessly, 
Till  the  fading  of  the  light 
Eeminded  him  of  coming  night ; 
Then  he  sought  the  outer  air 
Thinking  of  the  wonders  there. 

What  a  sight  then  met  his  gaze! 
Clouds  of  fog  seemed  all  ablaze, 
Gleaming  o'er  the  Jewel  Tower 
With  rainbow  tints  and  rocket  shower. 
Radiating  rays  of  light 
Flashed  to  left  and  flashed  to  right— 
Bed  and  white  and  azure  blue, 
Sky- wide  fan  of  every  hue- 
Golden-yellow,  purple,  green— 


68  TheWizzywab 


Glories  that  were  never  seen, 
But,  perhaps,  beneath  the  poles 
Where  the  frigid  ocean  rolls. 

In    amazement    Froggie    stopped, 
Looked  awhile,  then  onward  hopped 
With  the  crowd  now  greater  grown, 
Surging  forward  to  the  Zone, 
Where  the  Barkers,  blythe  and  gay, 
Shout  in  such  a  funny  way 
Of  the  marvels  of  their  show : 
'Walk  right  up  and  step  right  in,' 
Mercy,  what  a  frightful  din! 
Bands  of  music  blare  and  boom. 
'Pay  a  dime,  there's  lots  of  room.' 
Froggie  never  missed  a  show 
As  he  hopped  along  the  row. 

When  he  tired  of  the  sights, 
Wearied  of  the  brilliant  lights, 
Froggie  thought  of  home  and  bed, 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  69 

Or  place  to  lay  his  throbbing  head. 
So  he  wandered  to  the  park, 
Hoping  that  place  might  be  dark; 
But  wherever  search  lights  play 
Night  is  just  as  bright  as  day. 
But,  at  least,  he  trod  upon 
The  cooling  grass  of  velvet  lawn. 
There  he  saw  a  strange  machine, 
Like  no  other  he  had  seen, 
Besting  with  its  wings  outspread. 
'Here,'  he  said,  'I'll  make  my  bed. 
My  back  is  lame.    My  feet  are  sore. 
I  cannot  stand  a  minute  more.' 
So  Froggie  hopped  upon  a  wing, 
And  went  to  sleep — the  silly  thing. 
I  think  'twas  careless  though,  don't  you? 
But  no  one  knows  what  Frogs  will  do. 

While  Froggie  in  deep  slumber  lay, 
A  man  approached  in  strange  array, 
And  climbed  into  a  narrow  seat, 


70  TheWizzywab 


And  on  some  levers  placed  his  feet. 
There  came  a  fearsome  whirring  sound; 
The  motor  roared  and  wheels  went  round. 
The  Frog  awoke  in  freezing  fright; 
His  heart  near  stopped  when  they  took 

flight; 

His  eyes  near  popped  from  out  his  head, 
And  o'er  him  came  a  shaking  dread. 
He  closed  his  mouth,  and  dared  not  shout 
For  fear  his  heart  would  tumble  out. 
Fear  drove  the  Froggie  near  insane; 
His  bed  was  on  an  aeroplane. 
Then  up  they  sailed  above  the  fair; 
Far  they  flew  in  upper  air. 
The  wind  was  blowing  half  a  gale, 
But  Froggie  held  by  tooth  and  nail, 
And  when  they  made  a  fearful  swoop 
That  ended  with  a  loop-the-loop, 
He  still  clung  on  with  all  his  might — 
He  lived  a  million  years  that  night. 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  71 

He  looked  below,  on  land  and  sea 
A  million  lights  there  seemed  to  be ; 
He  looked  above,  and  in  the  air 
A  million  more  were  flashing  there ; 
And  on  the  fog-banks  they  sailed  through, 
Played  shafts  of  light  of  varied  hue. 

'  'Tis  wondrous  beautiful,'  he  said. 
Perhaps  it's  heaven,  and  I  am  dead.' 
And  then  he  prayed,  'Alas,  alack! 
If  I'm  alive  please  take  me  back; 
But  if  I'm  dead,  I'd  quite  as  soon 
Keep  flying  upward  to  the  moon.' 

There  must  have  been  some  angel  there 
To  pay  attention  to  his  prayer, 
For  soon  they  came  a-slanting  down, 
And  landed  safely  on  the  ground. 
And  as  they  came,  he  saw  beyond 
The  Hall  of  Arts,  a  lily  pond. 
'To  reach  that  place  I  must  contrive,' 
He  said,  'if  I  remain  alive.' 


72  TheWizzywab 

The  moment  that  the  motor  stopped 

The  Frog  from  off  the  monster  dropped. 

He  did  not  even  hesitate 

To  say  Good  bye,  but  through  the  gate, 

With  mighty  leaps,  he  hurried  on, 

To  that  protecting  lily  pond. 

When  the  Frog,  in  glad  surprise, 
Saw  the  Fine  Arts  Palace  rise, 
Reflected  in  Diana's  Pool, 
So  glassy  still,  and  safe,  and  cool, 
He  said,  'Here  is  my  happy  home ; 
Here  I  will  rest,  no  more  to  roam. 
On  no  more  ventures  will  I  go, 
But  stay  at  home  where  tules  grow.' 

Now  time  has  passed,  but  I  allege 
He  still  resides  among  the  sedge, 
As  happy  as  a  Frog  can  be, 
Surrounded  by  his  family. 
There's  Mamma  Frog,  now  grown  quite 
stout, 


Johnnie  Bob  in  Frogland  73 


And  baby  Frogs  are  all  about ; 

And  often,  when  the  hour  is  late, 

And  all  is  still,  he  will  relate 

To  wondering  tadpoles  gathered  round, 

His  strange  adventures,  and  the  sound 

Of  solemn  croaking  fills  the  air, 

When  Froggie  tells  about  the  Fair." 

"You  have  a  powerful  voice  for  such  a 
small  chest,"  Johnnie  Bob  complimented,  as 
his  new  friend  was  gathering  up  his  music 
books.  "I  have  enjoyed  it  as  much  as  could 
be  expected;  but,  after  all,  I  think  I  will  be 
an  Aviator.  Do  you  happen  to  know  of  a 
Flying  School  around  here?" 

"Yes,"  the  Frog  replied.  "There  is  a 
School  of  Flying  Fishes  over  yonder  in  the 
ocean.  I  wish  you  luck.  Now  I  must  hurry 
to  my  choir  rehearsal.  Good-bye,  Johnnie 
Bob."  The  Frog  dove  into  the  water  and 
disappeared. 


Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea. 


CHAPTER  V 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea 


Johnnie  Bob  moved  uneasily  in  his  sleep. 
A  smile  flickered  across  his  face.  He  turned 
upon  his  side  and  presently  was  back  in 
Dreamland.  He  was  at  the  seashore.  The 
sun  was  sinking  behind  the  ocean  horizon 
as  a  great  globe  of  dull  red.  From  it  to  the 
waving  ribbons  of  the  surf,  stretched  a  glit- 
tering pathway  of  light,  reflecting  the  color- 
ful glories  of  the  skies.  The  waves  were 
advancing  in  tireless  succession  to  rear  their 
green  crests  and  topple  forward  in  crashing 
cataracts  of  foam. 

On  the  wet  sand,  just  out  of  reach  of  the 
swirling  waters,  Sandpipers  were  running 

[75] 


76  The  Wizzy  wab 


about  in  a  fantastic  dance,  singing  in  shrill 
voices,  and  hunting  for  whatever  it  is  that 
Sandpipers  hunt  for. 

A  Mermaid  was  sitting  nearby  heaping 
sand  over  her  tail,  as  Mermaids  have  a  way 
of  doing.  Johnnie  Bob  sat  down  beside  her. 
They  were  soon  engaged  in  conversation  about 
the  weather,  the  bathing  suits,  and  the  treat- 
ment of  sunburn. 

An  orchestra  of  Fiddling  Crabs  gathered 
on  a  dripping  moss-covered  rock.  Soon  they 
began  to  play.  The  Sandpipers  stepped  a 
lively  quadrille  while  they  sang : 

"Come  Johnnie  Bob,  and  Mermaid  fair, 
With  fishy  tale  and  streaming  hair, 
Come  Crabs  and  Lobsters,  Starfish,  too, 
And  Oysters  saved  from  Oyster  stew, 
Come,  every  one  and  join  the  dance. 
The  music  of  the  Crabs  entrance ; 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  77 


Come,   waltz   and   two-step,    swing   and 

glide, 

Before  we  in  the  ocean  hide, 
For  love  is  young  and  tender. 

Away  with  grief!    Away  with  care! 
For  Boys  are  brave  and  Girls  are  fair. 
Come  join  the  dance— joy  unconfined— 
Another  song  if  the  Crabs  don't  mind. 
Let  song  and  laughter  loudly  ring! 
The  Mermaid's  such  a  sweet  young  thing 
That  Johnnie  Bob,  her  bashful  friend, 
Perhaps  will  wed  her  in  the  end, 
While  love  is  young  and  tender." 

A  Lobster  arose  and,  marking  time  with  a 
stalk  of  celery,  with  which  every  Lobster 
should  be  provided,  sang  tearfully: 

"Love  is  a  tender  thing  I  trow; 
If  when  we  are  young  we  say  it  'No', 
But  laugh,  'Ha,  ha;' 


78  The  Wizzy  wab 


And  sing,  'La,  la;' 
Then  love  will   die  in  the  spring,  you 

know. 

True  love  is  rare, 
So  have  a  care, 

A  thoughtless  word  may  make  it  go, 
And  when  we  are  old  we  miss  it  so, 
We  miss  it  so!" 

The  Lobster's  emotions  overcame  him,  and 
sobbing  as  though  his  heart  would  break,  he 
was  led  away  by  a  Hard  Shell  Crab  with 
blue  legs  and  a  red  nose. 

Said  Johnnie  Bob  to  the  fair  Mermaid, 
"Tell  me  your  name,  and  how  you  came 
To  play  this  curious,  dreamy  game 

With  a  mortal  boy  like  me. 
I'm  Johnnie  Bob,  and  I'm  not  afraid 
To  fly  or  swim  if  I  can  persuade 
A  Maid  like  you  to  but  agree 
To  let  me  join  in  the  jubilee." 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  79 


"I  am  the  Princess  Marmalade. 
Far  from  the  shore  on  the  Ocean  floor, 
I  live  with  my  father,  Boomaroar, 

The  King  of  the  open  Sea, 
In  a  coral  cave  with  a  floor  of  jade, 
With  pearls  and  amber  overlaid; 
And  if  a  Merman  you  would  be, 
We'll  make  you  a  member  of  the 
family." 

"Oh,  dear!"  said  Johnnie  Bob,  "after  all, 
I  don't  know  whether  you  are  a  girl,  or  a 
fish,  or  a  breakfast  food." 

"I  am  the  sweet  you  like  the  most. 
You  met  me  first  on  a  breakfast  tray, 
Where  I  reposed,  in  a  tempting  way, 

By  the  side  of  the  buttered  toast." 

"That  makes  it  perfectly  clear,"  Johnnie 
Bob  replied.  "I  would  like  to  go  to  your 
palace  of  coral  and  jade,  and  ask  Booma- 


80  The  Wizzy  wab 


roar  to  change  me  into  a  Merman,  that  is,  if 
he  has  the  time,  and  it  isn't  too  much  trouble, 
or  anything." 

"Then  I  will  see  you  again,"  the  Mermaid 
; replied,  smiling,  "but  before  you  interview 
father  it  may  be  well  to  learn  to  fly." 

"I  want  to  learn  to  fly,  but  I  can't  find  a 
Flying  School." 

"I  know  where  there  is  one,"  a  Ftying  Fish 
interrupted,  as  he  flopped  about  on  the  wet 
sand  taking  his  open  air  exercises.  "Can  you 
swim  ? ' ' 

"Well,  no.  That  is,  not  in  water." 

"Well,  how  do  you  expect  to  learn  to  fly 
if  you  can't  even  swim?  You  must  dive  in 
the  water  sometimes  to  rest,  and  how  can  you 
swim  if  you  drown?  Answer  me  that.  As  it 
is,  I  suppose  I  will  have  to  lend  you  a  swim- 
ming bladder  and  a  pair  of  magic  fins,  and 
hold  my  tail  under  your  chin  all  the  way 
over." 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  81 


A  Lobster,  who  had  overheard  this  con- 
versation, flicked  his  feelers  and  wrung  his 
claws  nervously.  His  eyes  stood  out  like 
shoe  buttons  on  sticks.  "I  am  astonished," 
he  said,  "alarmed  and  astonished,  Johnnie 
Bob,  that  you  should  think  of  flying.  You 
and  I  are  provided  with  plenty  of  legs,  and 
should  be  content  to  walk.  I  have  learned 
by  sad  experience.  In  my  youth  I  was  green, 
but  my  adventurous  nature  led  me  into  traps 
and  I  soon  found  myself  in  hot  water.  When- 
ever I  get  into  hot  water  I  turn  red  with  em- 
barrassment. I  am  naturally  tender  and  sen- 
sitive, although  the  ways  of  the  world  have 
hardened  me  somewhat  on  the  outside.  Heed 
the  friendly  warning  of  an  experienced  Lob- 
ster, and  beware  of  the  greedy  ceatures  you 
will  meet- 
Beware  the  red-nosed  Alcojinx, 
Who  rides  the  bubbles  of  the  wine ; 


82  The  Wizzy  wab 

He  lures  and  lulls  and  leers  and  loots 
And  haunts  the  places  where  you  dine. 

Beware  the  dread  Stockbroker]  ax, 
With  tangle-tape  and  sharkous  jaw; 

Keep  well  beyond  his  ticker-teeth, 
Or  he  will  snaff  you  in  his  maw. 

Beware  the  Richquickhocuspoke ; 

Heed  not  his  boastful,  lieful  bleats. 
He  makes  his  meals  on  trusting  Eels, 

And  purrs  with  pleasure  while  he  eats. 

Beware  the  beauteous  Vampire  Bird; 

The  Siren  singing  on  the  reef; 
And  Lorelei,  who  lie  and  lie, 

To  lure  the  Mariner  to  grief. 

Beware  the  gilded  Cabaret, 
With  band  of  syncopated  jazz, 

Where  Birds  that  prey  and  Pish  that  pay 
Dance  in  a  giddy  razmadaz. 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  83 

Beware  the  sleuthous  Motorcop, 
Who  clocks  you  from  his  lair  unseen, 

And  follows  on  his  put-put  wheel 
To  tie  a  tag  on  your  machine." 

•  Johnnie  Bob  buckled  on  the  swimming 
bladder  and  the  magic  fins,  then  running  to- 
wards the  water  leaped  into  the  air  and 
soared  across  the  breakers  in  company  with 
the  Flying  Fish.  They  soon  dropped  into 
the  sea  and  swam  leisurely  along  above  a 
forest  of  sea  weed. 

From  far  over  the  water  came  faintly  the 
voice  of  Marmalade : 

"Dear  Johnnie  Bob,  most  careful  be, 
And  hurry  back  to  toast  and  tea. 
Meet  all  the  dangers  unafraid, 
But  don't  forget  your  Marmalade." 

Johnnie  Bob  soon  became  much  interested 
in  the  curious  scenery  under  the  sea,  and  in 


84  The  Wizzy  wab 


the  strange  fish  that  were  going  about  on  their 
various  errands.  In  a  meadow  of  sea  moss 
a  herd  of  Sea  Cows  were  contentedly  graz- 
ing, guarded  by  a  pack  of  Dog  Fish.  Sea 
Urchins,  going  home  from  school  were  play- 
ing by  the  way.  They  passed  a  school  of 
Sardines  who  were  singing: 

"We   are   the    Sardines   who   must   not 

forget 
To  hasten  away  from  the  Fisherman's 

net, 
For  when  we  are  caught,  what  a  pickle 

we're  in, 
For  there  isn't  much  room  in  a  Sardine 

tin. 

Homeless    and    boneless,    we    cry    with 

dismay  ; 
With  oils  and  with  mustard  they  pack 

us  away, 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  85 

And  dash  us  with  garlic  to  make  us  grow 

strong, 
And  seal  us  up  tight  so  we  cannot  go 

wrong. 

They  garnish  and  varnish  and  label  us 

prime, 

And  pack  us  in  sizes  to  sell  for  a  dime. 
A  key  to  unseal  us  in  sent  with  us  free, 
But  the  tear  tapers  off  when  they  roll  up 

the  key." 

The  song  of  the  Sardines  had  become  faint 
in  the  distance  when  they  met  a  melancholy 
Shad. 

"Why  are  you  so  sad?"  Johnnie  Bob 
inquired. 

"I'm  in  love,"  the  Shad  replied,  bursting 
into  tears. 

"Why  should  love  make  a  Shad  sad?" 

"She  is  a  beautiful  Jelly  Fish"  the  Shad 


86  TheWizzywab 


continued,  ignoring  the  question.  ' '  She  trem- 
bles with  emotion  at  my  approach,  and  yet,  I 
fear  she  loves  me  not.  I  sang  her  this  song: 

Oh,  Jelly  Fish!    Dear  Jelly  Fish, 

I  love  you  more  and  more ; 
As  days  go  by  I  sit  and  sigh, 

And  worship  and  adore. 

Your  graceful  form  is  haunting  me; 

I  cannot  sleep  at  night ; 
Please,  Jelly  Fish,  give  me  my  wish; 

Have  pity  on  my  plight. 

If  you  will  be  more  kind  to  me, 
More  careful  with  your  stings, 

I'll  even  try  my  best  to  fly 
As  soon  as  I  grow  wings. 

I  know  I  am  a  bony  fish, 

And  slender  in  the  waist ; 
But  my  white  meat  is  very  sweet, 

Delicious  to  the  taste. 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  87 


I  like  your  soft  and  tender  ways, 

The  beauty  of  your  soul; 
So  have  no  fear,  my  Jelly  Dear, 

But  be  my  Jelly  Roll." 

"That  is  very  touching,"  said  Johnnie  Bob, 
winking  a  tear  from  his  eye,  "and  what  did 
the  Jelly  Fish  do  then?" 

The  sad  Shad  lifted  up  his  gills  in  a 
deep  sigh  and  replied:  "She  said  these  cruel 
words : 

"  'Dear  Mr.  Shad,  I'm  glad  to  see 
You  have  a  gift  for  poetry ; 
Your  style,  however,  seems  to  be 

Too  frivolous  and  light. 
If  you  would  sing,  with  dignity, 
A  sonnet,  or  an  ode  to  me, 
I  might  evince  more  sympathy 

With  your  poetic  flight. 


88  TheWizzywab 


But  as  it  is,  I  beg  to  state, 

I  have  no  time  to  educate 

A  Fish  who  dares  to  perpetrate 

A  a  roundelay  like  that. 
And  also,  I  might  intimate, 
As  Critic  most  affectionate, 
You  do  not  well  articulate ; 

Besides,  Dear  Shad,  you're  flat." 

"And  what  did  you  do  then?"  asked  John- 
nie Bob. 
"I  sang  her  a  sonnet." 

"If  I  could  only  have  the  wings  to  fly 
Away  from  all  the  troubles  that  sur- 
round, 
How  gladly  would   I   rise   above   the 

ground 
And  carry  you,  my  Dear  Heart,  through 

the  sky 
To  that  fair  moonlit  Land  of  By-and-by, 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  89 


Where  only  love  and  happiness  abound, 
And  roses  of  content  and  peace  are 

found 
That  will  not  ever  fade  away  nor  die. 

For  in  that  far-off,  flower-decked  retreat, 
Among  the   jasmine   bloom  the   Love 

Bird  sings, 

Inviting  us  to  make  our  joy  complete 
With  all  the  happiness  that  true  love 

brings, 

In  that  sweet  ecstacy  when  kisses  meet — 
If  I  had  wings,  Dear  Heart,  if  I  had 
wings." 

"And  what  did  the  Jelly  Fish  do  then?" 
"She    sang   another    stanza,"    sobbed    the 
Shad. 

"My  bony  Friend,  I  sympathize 
With  all  you  said  about  the  skies, 


90  The  Wizzy  wab 

My  graceful  form,  and  dreamy  eyes; 

I  must  admit  you're  right. 
But,  Goodness  Gracious!  don't  you  know 
I  cannot  wait  for  wings  to  grow 
Upon  a  Fish  who  is  so  slow? 

So,  Mr.  Shad,  Good  Night." 

'Oh,  I  am  not  appreciated!"  the  Shad 
wailed,  sniffingly,  as  the  tears  streamed  down 
his  nose.  "I'm  only  a  poor  old  Shad,  full 
of  romance  and  rheumatism,  and  shaddest 
when  I  shing." 

"Then  don't  sing,"  Johnnie  Bob  advised. 

For  some  time  they  traveled  in  silence^ 
each  being  busy  with  his  own  thoughts,  but 
when  a  Seal  family  overtook  them,  the  con- 
versation became  animated. 

Said  the  Shad  to  the  Seal,  "Where  do 

you  go— 
For  you  seem  to  be  a  rover— 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  91 


When  the   Frigid  Zone   is  bound  with 

snow, 

And  the  temperature  so  very  low 
That  the  North  Sea  freezes  over?" 

"We  go,"  said  the  Seal,  from  the  North- 
ern Wild 

To  the  South  for  warmer  weather, 
Where  the  shore  is  green,  and  the  air  is 

mild 

To  the  Summer  Isles  with  wife  and  child, 
And  we  swim  along  together." 

Said  the  Seal  to  the  Shad,  "Why  do  you 
swim 

In  the  springtime  up  the  river, 
Leaping  falls  and  the  rocky  rim, 
To  the  sandy  bars  where  the  waters  brim, 

And  rest  there  all  a-quiver?" 


92  TheWizzywab 


"We  go,"  said  the  Shad,  "to  the  purling 

pool, 

At  the  foot  of  the  falling  waters 
That  stream  from  the  mountains,  clear 

and  cool, 
For  there  is  our  home,  and  the  summer 

school 
Of  our  little  sons  and  daughters." 

While  this  dialogue  was  going  on  the  baby 
Seal  began  to  cry.  The  mother  Seal  patted 
it  affectionately  with  a  flipper  and  crooned 
a  Seal  Lullaby : 

"Lull-a-by,  lull-a-by.    Go  fast  asleep 
My  little  baby  Seal  out  on  the  deep, 
Floating  at  ease  on  the  ocean  you  love 
With    friendly    old   Albatross   watching 
above. 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  93 


Lull-a-by,  lull-a-by.    Fear  not  the  storm 
Lifting  the  combers  in  mountainous  form ; 
Fear  not  the  lightning,  nor  thunderous 

peal, 
For  no  harm  can  come  to  my  dear  baby 

Seal. 

Lull-a-by,  lull-a-by.    Billows  your  bed, 
Pillows  of  feather-foam  under  your  head, 
Rocking  to  sleep  in  the  trough  of  the  sea, 
Lulled  by  the  hurricane's  deep  melody. 

Lull-a-by,  lull-a-by.    Sleep  baby  mine, 
Safe  in  the  open  sea  breasting  the  brine. 
Sleep,    for    your    mother    is    watching 

near  by, 
Crooning  the  tune  of  a  sea  lull-a-by." 

The  Seal  family  and  the  Sad  Shad  went  on 
their  various  ways.  Johnnie  Bob  and  the 
Flying  Fish  continued  their  search  for  the 


94  The  Wizzy  wab 


Palace  of  Boomaroar,  pausing,  while  passing 
through  a  beautiful  submarine  garden,  to 
pick  a  few  ripe  oysters  from  the  heavily 
loaded  oyster  plants,  and  to  refresh  them- 
selves with  the  delicious  ocean  currents. 

On  resuming  their  search,  they  had  not  pro- 
ceeded far  when  they  were  challenged  by  a 
Sword  Fish  doing  sentry  duty. 

"Halt!    Who  goes  there?" 

"A  fish  and  a  boy  and  a  bag  of  currents." 

" Advance,  and  leave  the  currents." 

"Advance  where?" 

"To  the  Palace  of  Boomaroar.  Turn  to 
the  right^  then  to  the  left,  right,  left,  right, 
left,  right,  left,  now  you've  got  it,  try  to 
keep  it." 

"Oh,  dear,  how  confusing  everything  is," 
thought  Johnnie  Bob.  "Am  I  marching  or 
swimming.  Am  I  a  fish  with  feet,  or  a  boy 
with  a  fishy  tale  that  no  one  will  believe?" 

The   Flying  Fish  made  no  reply.     They 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  95 


came  to  the  opening  to  a  great  cave.  A  red 
Rock  Cod  was  on  guard.  The  Flying  Fish 
flicked  his  tail  in  a  friendly  way,  and  in- 
quired, "Is  this  the  palace  of  Boomaroar?" 

"It  is,"  the  Cod  replied.  "Do  you  know 
the  countersign?" 

"Of  course  I  do.    What  is  it?" 

"Peanut  butter." 

"That's  right.  Peanut  butter,"  the  Flying 
Fish  whispered  mysteriously,  as  he  winked 
his  glassy  eye. 

"Fresh  fish,"  the  Cod  exclaimed,  and 
opened  his  mouth  threateningly,  but  the  Fly- 
ing Fish  and  Johnnie  Bob  darted  into  the 
cave.  They  soon  found  themselves  in  a  lofty 
hall  with  walls  and  ceiling  or  red  coral. 
Myriads  of  phosphorescent  creatures  were 
swimming  about,  giving  out  a  faint,  myster- 
ious light. 

Fierce  fighting  fish  in  irridescent  scales 
were  lazily  patroling  the  still  waters.  A 


96  TheWizzywab 


clerical  appearing  Squid  with  an  ink  sack 
was  writing  at  a  desk.  An  official  Octopus 
watched  the  visitors  with  sinister  eyes. 

At  the  distant  end  of  the  hall,  on  a  throne 
of  coral,  sat  Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea, 
surrounded  by  his  court  of  Mermen  and  Mer- 
maids. Along  the  sides  of  the  hall  were  piled 
in  prodigal  confusion  silver  bars,  golden  ves- 
sels, and  Pirate's  chests  from  whose  broken 
sides  streamed  a  litter  of  Spanish  doubloons, 
pieces  of  eight,  strings  of  pearls,  and  spar- 
kling jewels. 

"I  know  this  place,"  Johnnie  Bob  ex- 
claimed. "It's  Davy  Jones'  locker!"  and  he 
began  to  gather  up  the  treasure,  but  stopped 
abruptly  and  allowed  them  to  drop  when  he 
saw  the  Octopus  glaring  at  him.  "Oh,  did 
you  see  him  give  me  that  ugly  look?" 

"Yes,"  the  Flying  Fish  replied,  "and 
judging  from  his  face,  I  think  he  is  the  sort 
of  person  who  would  kick  the  catfish." 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  97 


" Silence!"  hissed  the  Octopus.  "His  maj- 
esty bids  you  speak." 

"How  do  you  address  a  King?"  implored 
Johnnie  Bob.  "Do  I  have  to  use  a  lot  of  big 
words,  and  be  formal  like  a  lawyer,  or  just 
natural  and  incoherent?" 

"Speak,"  commanded  the  Octopus,  raising 
a  tentacle. 

Johnnie  Bob  swollowed  hard  several  times, 
then  managed  to  stammer:  "If  you  please 
Mister  King  Boomaroar,  I  would  like  to  be  a 
Merman  and  have  a  tail,  and  fins,  and  swim- 
ming bladder,  and  Marmalade,  and,  and,  and 
everything. ' ' 

Boomaroar  arose  and,  stroking  his  beard, 
regarded  Johnnie  Bob  thoughtfully.  Then 
he  began  in  a  loud  voice  that  echoed  through 
the  halls  and  corridors: 

"I  am  Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea, 
And  all  the  elements  work  for  me. 


98  The  Wizzy  wab 


I  hold  the  winds  in  my  right  hand, 
Or  blow  them  over  sea  and  land ; 
And  with  my  other  mighty  fist 
I  sow  the  rain  and  snow  and  mist. 
The  lightning  flashes  from  my  eyes, 
And  in  my  voice  the  thunder  lies ; 
So  bow  the  head  and  bend  the  knee, 
For  all  the  elements  work  for  me. 

I  am  Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea, 
Show  due  respect  to  my  Majesty. 
I  show  my  face  in  the  changing  moon ; 
I  ride  the  clouds  of  the  wild  typhoon, 
And  deep  beneath  the  ocean  waves 
I  hold  my  court  in  my  coral  caves. 
My  finny  subjects  all  obey, 
They  find  it  better  to  do  that  way ; 
For  I  am  Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea, 
And  all  the  fish  are  afraid  of  me. 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  99 

I  am  Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea. 
I  rule  with  the  greatest  severity. 
The  sailor  who  would  escape  my  wrath, 
Should  always  follow  the  charted  path, 
And  watch  the  compass,  chart,  and  wheel, 
For  I  crush  the  ribs  of  the  ship  of  steel 
With  an  iceberg,  wreck,  or  mighty  wave, 
Or  the  hidden  stone  of  a  seaman's  grave. 
If  you  would  live  in  the  ocean  free, 
Pay  strict  attention  to  my  decree. 

I  am  Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea, 
And  all  its  treasures  belong  to  me— 
The  liner  proud,  the  man-of-war, 
The  lifeboat  lost  with  the  broken  oar, 
The  Roman  galley,  the  Chinese  junk, 
And  every  ship  that  was  ever  sunk. 
I  hold  them  all  in  my  treasure  chest, 
For  the  bones  of  men  within  them  rest, 
Safe  and  sealed  till  the  judgment  day 
Shall  roll  the  seas  and  skies  away. 


loo  TheWizzywab 

I  am  Boomaroar,  King  of  the  Sea, 

And  if  a  Merman  you  would  be 

You  must  patrol  the  slimy  decks 

Of   the    ships   that   sunk   in   the   ocean 

wrecks. 
You  must  guard  the  wealth  of  a  million 

years — 

The  bones,  and  gold,  and  the  bitter  tears 
That  fell  when  the  Sailor  came  no  more 
To  his  wife  and  child  on  the  ocean  shore. 
All  the  tears  that  fall  for  those  lost  at  sea 
You  must  guard  through  all  eternity, 
For  I've  hoarded  them  up  for  a  million 

years, 

Till  the  ocean  is  but  a  sea  of  tears. 
To  guard  them  well  you  must  agree, 
If  my  Merman  you  would  be." 

Johnnie  Bob  was  so  frightened  and  nervous 
that  he  swallowed  a  mouthful  of  salt  water 
before  he  managed  to  stammer: 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  101 

"This  is  a  game  I  have  never  played, 
But  I'll  do  a  lot  for  Marmalade ; 
To  have  her  at  breakfast,  lunch,  and  tea 
I'll  be  a  Merman  in  the  sea." 

"Then  rise  and  swim,"  said  Boomaroar, 
For  you'll  be  a  Merman  evermore." 

The  Mermen  raised  conch  shells  to  their 
lips  and  blew  a  loud  fanfare  as  the  Mermaids 
escorted  Johnnie  Bob  to  the  throne,  singing: 

"Welcome  Johnnie  Bob,  the  hero, 

Meeting  dangers  unafraid. 
Johnnie  has  no  fear  of  fishes, 
Doughnuts,  pies,  or  other  dishes, 

And  he  loves  his  Marmalade. 

Welcome  Johnnie  Bob,  the  Merman, 

To  his  seat  beside  the  King. 
Now  that  he  has  tail  and  flippers, 
Put  away  his  Christmas  slippers 
With  his  coat  and  everything." 


102  TheWizzywab 


The  denizens  of  the  deep  came  before 
Boomaroar  with  their  complaints  and  pe- 
titions. A  Clam  stretched  out  his  neck  and 
in  a  petulant  voice  addressed  the  King: 

King  of  the  Sea,  behold  I  am 
A  calm  and  meditative  Clam. 
My  words  are  few,  and  I  am  prone 
To  spend  my  days  and  nights  alone 
In  introspective  study  since 
My  arguments  will  not  convince 
The  Oyster,  though  I  talk  for  days, 
The  sinful  error  of  his  ways. 

That  lazy  Mollusk  never  tries 

To  take  much  needed  exercise, 

But  spends  far  too  much  time  in  bed ; 

Nor  does  he  work,  but  plays  instead 

With  Lobsters  and  with  Starfish  friends ; 

And  frequently  the  evening  ends 

In  music,  revelry,  and  song, 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  103 


Which  to  a  Clam  is  very  wrong. 

Such  wicked  levity  will  lead 

To  some  sad  end.    I  fear,  indeed, 

Unless  he  grows  sedate  and  thin 

The  oyster  rake  will  scoop  him  in; 

And  then— tobasco  and  cracked  ice, 

The  loss  of  Oyster  paradise, 

And  half  undressed,  Oh,  sad  to  tell! 

Be  served  with  lemon,  on  the  shell. 

And  so  I  come  to  agitate, 

And  ask  for  laws  to  regulate 

The  habits  of  the  festive  Oyster, 

To  make  him  less  inclined  to  royster." 

" Clams  are  Clams,"  the  King  replied. 

"Clams  have  lived  and  Clams  have  died, 

But  never  yet  has  one  become 

So  wise  as  to  be  deaf  and  dumb 

About  the  personal  affairs 

Of  others  in  their  private  lairs. 

All  the  Clams  I  ever  saw 


104  The  Wizzy  wab 


Were  stewed,  or  baked,  or  eaten  raw. 
The  finish  seems  to  be  the  same 
For  Clams  as  for  the  ones  you  name. 
Why  introduce  discord  and  strife 
Into  the  Oyster's  happy  life? 
Why  criticize  the  Lobster's  way 
Because  he  spends  his  life  in  play? 
If  joy  and  mirth  offend  your  ears, 
Hide  in  the  sand  and  shed  your  tears ; 
And  if  the  bright  lights  hurt  your  eyes, 
Beware  the  lights  of  paradise. 
Draw  in  your  neck  and  close  your  door, 
And  Clam,  be  dumb  for  evermore." 

A  Crab  came  up  to  the  throne  walking  side- 
ways in  a  furtive  manner  and  addressed  the 
King: 

"I'm  a  solemn  old  Crab, 

And  I  wear  only  drab, 

The  good  things  of  life  I  abstain  of ; 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  105 


How  can  the  world  be 
So  joyous  and  free 
When  I  see  so  much  to  complain  of? 

The  world  is  all  wrong 
With  its  music  and  song, 

I  have  not  a  friend  to  apply  to ; 
And  no  one  can  know 
Half  my  troubles  and  woe, 

In  fact,  I  suspect  they  don't  try  to. 

Whenever  I  go 

And  tell  all  I  know— 

And  scandals,  of  course,  agonize  me— 

The  neighborhood  hears 

With  its  wiggly  ears, 

Then  they  all  turn  around  and  despise 
me. 


106  The  Wizzy  wab 


So,  I  ask  you  to  make 
All  the  people  to  take 

To  their  hearts  some  pet  sorrow  and 

love  it; 

And  then  they  will  know 
That  woe  is  below, 

And  nothing  much  better  above  it." 

And  then  spoke  the  King: 
"It's  a  profitable  thing 

To  bring  joy  to  the  sad  and  dejected, 
For  it's  my  belief, 
If  we  cause  joy  or  grief, 

The  same  back  to  us  is  reflected. 

All  creatures  despise 
The  repeater  of  lies— 

And  most  evil  rumors  are  fables— 
But  those  who  will  praise 
Will  be  blest  all  their  days, 

Defended  when  time  turns  the  tables. 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  107 


Kind  words  are  the  best, 
And  when  you  invest 

In  critical  language,  select  them ; 
No  investment  will  pay 
Such  a  profit  each  day 

As  courteous  words,  so  collect  them. 

We  do  a  great  wrong 
When  we  silence  a  song; 

By  regrets  we  forever  are  haunted. 
This  world  has  no  room 
For  the  Makers  of  Gloom, 

But  Smilers  are  everywhere  wanted. 

Now  this  is  the  law 

For  the  Crab  with  the  claw: 

The  way  to  have  peace  is  to  live  it; 
Wear  a  smile  on  your  face ; 
Yield  a  point  with  good  grace, 

And  if  you  want  happiness,  give  it.' 


108  TheWizzywab 


When  King  Boomaroar  had  decided  all  the 
questions,  and  judged  all  the  quarrels  with 
justice,  wisdom  and  mercy,  he  arose  and  dis- 
missed the  Court  with  these  few  remarks : 

"  Fare  well  my  Subjects,  I  must  go 

Away  to  the  rising  Moon, 
To  show  my  face  in  the  shadows  there, 
For  the  tides  depend  on  my  constant  care. 
I  smile  on  them,  and  they  gayly  rise; 
But  they  recede  from  my  frowning  eyes. 
The  tides  are  high,  or  the  tides  are  low 
According  to  how  my  favors  go ; 

And  I  keep  the  world  in  tune. 
But  before  I  go,  I  must  pause  to  blow 

A  blast  on  my  loud  bassoon 
To  send  a  warning  of  dappled  clouds, 
And  a  breath  of  wind  to  the  idle  shrouds 
Of  the  ships  becalmed  in  the  Southern 

Sea, 
That  Sailor  Men,  whom  I  love,  may  flee 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  109 


To  harbors  safe,  where  the  palm  trees 

grow 
And  pearly  shells  through  the  waters 

show, 
Away  from  a  great  typhoon. " 

After  the  King  had  departed,  the  Mer- 
people  swam  about  the  cave  playing  the 
games  of  the  deep  sea.  Johnnie  Bob  joined 
them  with  spirit  in  an  effort  to  learn  all  the 
ways  of  the  Mermen  and  Mermaids.  When 
his  newly  acquired  swimming  muscles  be- 
came weary  he  sat  upon  a  Pirate's  treasure 
chest  to  rest.  From  the  broken  sides  of  the 
treasure  chest  precious  stones  had  escaped 
and  lay  on  the  sandy  sea  bottom  in  a  spar- 
kling pile.  Johnnie  Bob  picked  up  a  strand  of 
pearls  to  admire  their  lustrous  beauty. 

" Handle  them  carefully,  Johnnie  Bob," 
warned  a  Merman,  "for  they  are  Mermaid's 
tears." 


no  TheWizzywab 


*  Mermaid's  tears?"  Johnnie  Bob  in- 
quired. "How  can  that  be?" 

"It  is  a  long  and  sad  story,"  the  Merman 
answered,  reclining  on  the  sand.  "Perhaps 
I  had  better  sing  it  to  you." 

"By  all  means  sing  it." 

"Very  well,  since  you  insist."  The  Mer- 
man began  to  sing: 

The  Sailor  was  a  handsome  lad 

On  a  whaler  from  Dundee. 
His  hair  was  red  and  his  eyes  were  blue, 
And  on  his  face  the  freckles  grew ; 
He  fought  with  gloves  as  Sailors  do, 
And  there  were  few  in  the  bloomin'  crew 

Who  could  box  as  well  as  he,  at  sea ; 

To  which  they  would  all  agree. 

Blue  snakes  were  tattooed  on  his  arms 

And  ships  upon  his  breast. 
His  name  was  Jack,  as  it  should  be, 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  ill 

And  any  lad  who  goes  to  sea 
Should  take  the  same  first  name  as  he, 
For  it  does  agree  with  poetry; 
And  all  the  girls  confessed  when  pressed 
That  they  liked  Jack  the  best. 

The  Sailor  met,  on  a  tropic  shore, 

A  Mermaid  fair  to  see; 
And  he  loved  the  gentle  Mermaid  so 
He  vowed  that  he  would  never  go 
Away  from  where  bananas  grow, 
And  trade  winds  blow,  yo,  ho ;  yo,  ho ! 

Till  she  listened  to  his  plea  to  be 

His  heart 's  divinity. 

The  Sailor  Lad  made  love  to  her 

As  a  Sailor  only  can. 
He  told  her  that  his  love  was  true 
As  stars  that  shine  in  heaven's  blue; 
He  played  the  ukulele,  too; 
The  whole  night  through  he'd  thum  and 
coo 


H2  TheWizzywab 


Aloha,  time  and  time  again, 
In  Poly-ne-si-an. 

The  Mermaid  loved  the  Sailor  Lad, 

And  on  the  shore  all  day, 
She  sat  and  combed  her  raven  hair, 
And  looked  at  him  with  a  baby  stare. 
The  whaler  sailed  and  left  him  there, 
But  he  didn't  care,  she  was  so  fair 

He  said  that  he  would  stay  for  aye, 

And  never  go  away. 

The  happy  days  went  swiftly  by, 

And  the  trade  winds  softly  blew, 
In  that  paradise  where  the  palm  trees  rise 

From  sandy  beach  into  burning  skies; 
But  Jack  still  gazed  in  the  Mermaid's 

eyes. 
He  told  love-lies  between  his  sighs, 

And  she  told  him  a  few,  quite  new, 

As  Mermaids  sometimes  do. 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  113 


Without  a  care,  and  free  as  air, 
They  roamed  along  the  coast; 
And  in  romantic  South  Sea  ways 
They  lived  on  mussels  bordelaise, 
And  lobster,  broiled  before  a  blaze, 
With  mayonnaise,  for  days  and  days, 
And  fishes  they  could  catch  and  roast, 
And  Marmalade  and  toast. 

Alas,  their  dream  of  bliss  was  short! 

For  now  I  must  confess, 
That  when  a  ship  came  to  the  bay, 
Forgetful  of  his  vows  to  stay, 
The  Sailor  gaily  sailed  away 
For  far  Cathay,  and  sad  to  say, 

He  mentioned  no  address;  I  guess 

He  thought  it  was  not  best. 

The  Mermaid  followed  to  the  reef 
Where  the  crested  breaker  curls, 
And  then  she  set  her  lover  free, 


114  The  Wizzywab 


For  Mermaids  love  unselfishly, 
But  tears  in  true-love  purity 
Fell  in  the  sea  unceasingly, 
And  crystalized  to  pearls— to  pearls — 
They  crystalized  to  pearls. 

The  Mermaid  in  the  Southern  Sea 

Still  mourns  through  lonely  years; 
And  if  you  listen  you  may  hear 
Come  from  the  ocean  to  your  ear, 
Her  mournful  sobbing,  sad  and  drear. 
All  things  are  dear  that  cost  a  tear, 
And  pearls  are  Mermaid's  tears,  my 

dears, 
Pearls  and  Mermaid's  tears." 

The  lusty  singing  of  the  Merman  attracted 
the  Mermaids.  They  gathered  around  in  a 
circle  and  listened  intently. 

"And  what  are  opals?"  Johnnie  Bob  in- 
quired, picking  up  a  handful  of  the  fiery  gems 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea 


in  whose  mysterious  depths  lurked  the  ever- 
changing  colors. 

" Opals  are  Nature's  color  photographs  of 
beautiful  color  displays,"  the  Merman  re- 
plied. "For  instance,  in  this  opal  you  will 
see  a  sunrise  on  the  desert;  in  this,  a  sunset 
in  the  tropics  after  a  storm;  in  this,  a  forest 
fire,  across  a  lake. 

"I  think  they  are  more  than  that,"  a  Mer- 
maid added.  "They  are  beautiful  thoughts 
which  were  never  expressed  nor  put  into 
action.  The  Fairies  gathered  up  those  beau- 
tiful thoughts  and,  lest  they  be  lost,  preserved 
them  in  everlasting  stone  to  give  pleasure  to 
others  forever." 

Heaven  sent  the  dreams  of  childhood, 

Whence  there  came 
Hopes  for  happiness  and  service, 

Wealth  and  fame. 
When  they  failed  of  realizing, 


The  Wizzy  wab 


Fairies  saved,  immortalizing 
All  good  hopes,  by  crystalizing 

Them  to  flame ; 
And  the  flaming,  flashing  Opals 

They  became. 

Dreams  and  songs  and  plans  that  perished 

All  unknown, 
Rosy  hopes  and  high  ambitions 

Overthrown, 

Live  forever,  and  their  presence, 
With  their  flashing  evanescence, 
Gives  the  mystic  irridescence 

To  the  stone, 
Which  the  Fairies  have  enchanted 

As  their  own." 

" Johnnie  Bob,  Johnnie  Bob!  You  are  not 
paying  attention/'  the  Mermaid  was  saying. 

"Excuse  me.  I  am  sure  I  heard  the  Opals 
speaking  to  me." 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  H7 

"Very  likely,"  the  Mermaid  replied,  "for 
they  do  sometimes  speak  to  those  who  love 
them,  and  who  are  fine  enough  to  understand. 
In  them  are  crystalized  all  the  noble  ambi- 
tions of  childhood,  that  are  lost  in  the  grind 
of  the  grown-ups." 

Johnnie  Bob  looked  at  the  Opals  again  with 
a  new  interest.  They  seemed  to  flash  a 
friendly  recognition,  and  one  by  one  they 
spoke  to  him: 

"I  was  a  Song  that  was  never  sung." 
"I  was  a  Picture,  never  painted, 

Of  a  wished-for  home  where  the  roses 

clung." 
"I  was  a  Prayer  of  a  Mother,  sainted." 

"I  was  a  Love  that  was  never  told." 
"I  was  a  Poem,  never  printed, 

Of  a  wondrous  Love  that  would  not  grow 

cold." 
"I  was  Ambition,  rainbow  tinted." 


118  TheWizzywab 


"I  was  a  fair  and  a  good  Intent 
Made  soft  by  fire,  and  misdirected ; 

I  fell  by  the  furnace,  broken,  bent, 
By  iron  circumstance  deflected." 

"I  was  a  Hope  for  a  useful  life 
To  God,  and  Man,  and  all  things  human ; 

But  I  was  lost  in  the  cruel  strife, 
Yet,  I  still  bring  cheer,  on  the  hand  of 
Woman." 

The  conversation  was  interrupted  by  the 
sound  of  commotion  in  the  grotto.  Mermaids 
came  swimming  by.  Some  were  blowing 
horns  of  conch  shells,  while  others  were 
singing : 

"Here  comes  Marmalade,  the  Princess, 

Biding  on  a  breakfast  roll ; 
And  Miss  Jelly,  Maid  of  Quinces, 

Shaking  in  a  crystal  bowl. 


Johnnie  Bob  Under  the  Sea  H9 


Where  they  came  from  doesn't  matter, 
For  beside  them  on  a  platter 
Comes  a  smoking  English  Sole. 

Everyone  arise  to  greet  them — 

Rise  at  once  or  we'll  be  late — 
We  are  always  glad  to  meet  them 

Waiting  by  the  breakfast  plate. 
Let  us  then  be  up  and  doing 
For  I  smell  the  coffee  brewing, 

And  it  must  be  nearly  eight ; 

Yes,  it  must  be  nearly  eight." 

''Wake  up,  Johnnie  Bob.  It's  time  to 
get  up." 

Johnnie  Bob  heard  indistinctly  as  in  a 
dream.  There  was  a  kiss  on  his  cheek.  He 
opened  his  eyes.  His  Mother  was  smiling 
down  upon  him. 

"Wake  up,  my  boy.    Breakfast  is  ready." 


120  The  Wizzy  wab 


"Oh,  Mother,  I  have  had  such  a  wonderful 
dream!  May  I  have  marmalade  for  break- 
fast?" 


THE  END 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  AT  LOS  ANGELES 

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